Tears for two
by SailorCopperOwl
Summary: "He's the only one who has the patience for so much pain." PGSM Jadeite/Makoto, written for the LJ Shitennou Ai Angsty April
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Warning of character death. Not just a character, but the sweetest guy of them all... and I don't even like character death. I'm really sorry. But I'm not feeling well right now, and whenever that is the case, Jadeite will suffer. Especially if it's Angsty April. **

**On the plus side, I always thought Jadeite and Makoto who are both loyal and straightforward would make a good match, and this is the first time I let them be friends.**

**Happy Easter, and please remember, comments make me happy (even if I may not deserve them in this case).**

* * *

Death doesn't scare him.

He's faced death before. Of others, his own.

There must have been more deaths than one, but one he remembers the most clearly.

The rumbling, moaning, crunching sound of the castle, and with it the world, being torn to pieces. The heavy, deadly rain of stone and past sins that he won't be able to hold off for long any more. His heart beating quickly, his whole life concentrating on one point in time and space, on one person. On her hair, her eyes, her smile.

The moment of fullfillment when he realizes that finally, he's able to give her what she needs: Consolation.

Not power. Dark Energy. Hope. Triumph. More power.

Not the satisfaction of success.

But the certainty that failure can't take everything away, that she will always be offered dignity, and admiration, even when she doesn't deserve it.

She makes it all‚ worthwhile when she accepts his gift.

Looking back, his death has been the best part.

Because what came after it? In the next life, everyone else has what they love. Kunzite and Zoisite have the Master, not to mention each other, Nephrite still hasn't blown it with Mercury beyond hope.

And yeah, they're all united again.

Which is nice.

Which is not enough.

Not nearly enough.

He laughs more, because if he gets gloomy, they start to fuss over him, and he can't deal with it.

But the most important person, the most important everything in his life isn't there.

The princess didn't bring her back. He doesn't dare to ask about it.

But he'll never be whole again.

That's why he thinks he's the only one who understands Jupiter when she won't stop crying over the loss of her man.

A good man.

No doubt.

But.

A mortal man.

Her fellow senshi who are closer than sisters to her don't understand. They know what grief is, but they live happy, fulfilled lives. As much as they try to support her, they don't feel it. They don't know how you do it, live life when there's barely enough of you left to remember your name.

He's the only one who has the patience for so much pain.

"Why does everyone have to die? Will it always hurt like this? Will it always be like this?"

And he can't answer this.

All he can do is get down on his knee and hold her hand.

And silently thank her to cry all the tears for them both that he isn't allowed to have.


	2. Chapter 2

At first, Makoto doesn't pay attention to Jadeite. He's just another face among the crowd of her friends who do their best to support her.

But some weeks later he's still there, when her friends go on with their lives and expect her to do so, too, and she acts as if because she can't deal with all the "are you feeling better, Mako-chan?" questions.

Jadeite doesn't ask questions.

He brings her tea without asking if she wants any.

He brings soup.

He says: "Eat up. Drink." and makes sure she does.

He doesn't ask her how she feels.

She has a feeling he knows.

He doesn't answer questions either, not really, he just smiles them away.

His answer to everything she says is always the same.

Please, Jadeite, do you really have the time to be here?

Doesn't it bother you to be around me when I'm always gloomy?

Aren't you getting tired? What is that cut on your hand?

"Don't worry, Jupiter. Don't worry about it."

And after a while, she doesn't.

* * *

Her friends embrace her. Jadeite is distant. She still cries a lot when she comes home from work. He fusses with her apartment, does all the chores she can't bring herself to care about. He keeps the place comfy. Makoto is glad, because not having a place that would look inviting to Motoki would mean to admit that he's never coming home again, and there are days when she can't do that.

And then he does this thing that the Shitennou do. Going down on his knee, bowing his head. She sees a lot of the top of his head this way, and at first, it's weird. She's crying, clearly she needs to be hugged. But, yes, not by him. The wrong man. Of course not. He's being respectful.

So she lets him hold her hand.

He holds her hand for hours. She's glad, but she feels guilty.

"Really, Jadeite, you don't have to stay."

"Let me."

She gets used to it. It's not just the company. It's having a man in the house. Even if he's almost a stranger, even if he has aged so slowly over the years that he still looks as young as he used to, even if he doesn't have anything in common with Motoki. Somehow, having a man around reminds her that she isn't a little girl any more. That she's a capable grown up woman. It reminds her that she's strong.

* * *

Something about how easily he accepts her worst days makes her wonder.

"You lost someone, too, Jadeite, isn't it?"

"M-hm."

"He turns his head away, and she doesn't aks for details.

She tells herself that the Shitennou must have had human lives before the Dark Kingdom - there is no other explanation why Jadeite can speak and read Japanese which certainly hasn't been around in the past - and that he perhaps has sad memories about it. She makes a mental note not to forget about this, because if it's something in the human world, thn it's probably something she can do something about. But he looked so uncomfortable when she asked this one question that she hesitates to ask again.

* * *

It takes her friends surprisingly long to realize how often he's there when they come over.

Of course, Usagi approves.

Of course, Minako disapproves.

"Why are you looking after Makoto, Jadeite?"

"Because I can."

"What kind of an answer is that? We senshi can look after her ourselves."

"Oh really? Then how come I never run into one of you when I come here to see if Kino-san has food in the house?"

"Listen, Jadeite, I didn't know you had a crush on Makoto, but if you think this is a good time to take advantage of her..."

He curses her and tries to leave, and Makoto has to hold him back and tell Minako that she, Makoto, is glad that Jadeite comes over, and Minako should leave it at that.

* * *

Minako makes the mistake to give Kunzite the same warning about taking advantage of Makoto, and he makes a huge fuss about the honour of the shitennou, and an even bigger one as Minako asks which honour exactly. Minako and Mamoru are used to see Usagi fuss. It turns out nothing can prepare you for Kunzite Making A Fuss. After that, no one questions Jadeite any more.

Except for Rei, but that doesn't come unexpected.

"Is he someone you should depend upon?"

"What do you mean? Is this the old 'men folks aren't reliable' thing?"

"Yes. And especially men folks who have spent more time than anyone else in the Dark Kingdom. Dark Energy has left its marks on him everywhere. How can this not bother you?"

"It wasn't his fault. And we all have a past that doesn't only have shiny parts."

Funny, she hadn't really thought about this before.

Later that day, when Jadeite comes over with dinner, she asks him directly.

"Jadeite, why is Rei worried about you and the Dark Kingdom?"

He's shocked and tense and things between them are awkward for a while.

She doesn't ask again.

* * *

Jadeite spends a lot of time with Kamekichi.

"You like animals," says Makoto.

"M-hm," he answers. "In the past, I used to have dogs and horses and tame birds and snakes, and about a million goats. And in the Dark Kingdom, I could have as many youmas as I wanted. And here in this town you already get in trouble when you have one single pet youma."

Makoto isn't quite certain what this means, but it makes her smile.

Makoto doesn't believe her eyes when he teaches Kamekichi tricks.

"Say hi to your Mistress," he says, and the turtle lifts its claw.

For the first time, Makoto laughs.

* * *

He builds a bigger terrarium for Kamekichi.

"He must be bored."

And an even bigger one.

He brings more turtles.

"He looks like he wants company."

Makoto isn't so certain about more turtles. First, she is hurt when Kamekichi embraces his new comrades with delight, and they are taking their sunbaths together and swim around in the huge tank Jadeite has added to their habitat, and seems to forget about human company altogether. But then, on the other hand, it's one thing less to worry about, and a happy turtle is good, right? A living-room full of happy turtles. Still, the turtles enjoying themselves makes her feel even more gloomy and inadequate. If they can be happy again, why can't she? But she can't.

But the turtles do bring a smile on her face when Jadeite teaches them all tricks.

* * *

"Get dressed."

She looks up from her lap where one of her less favourite dresses crumples.

"What?"

"I want to show you something."

She dresses in something she likes better. Something that looks good with a pair of jeans.

Jadeite takes her to a park that does a botanical exhibition.

It's nice, but her heart isn't into it.

"This," says Jadeite and shows her a little white flower. "This is what I wanted to show you. It's a flower I haven't seen since the old days. It's super rare now. But they're bringing it back. It's a campaign. Kunzite is so into this you wouldn't believe."

"Kunzite?"

"Haven't you seen his garden yet?"

* * *

Kunzite gives them a tour of his garden, and somehow, next to a flower-crazed Kunzite, no dark shadow of sadness stands a chance for long, and somehow, it's a bit unsettling.

When they sit on his terrace for a cup of tea, Makoto suddenly realizes something.

They're surrounded by rose bushes. Taller than a man, flowing over with roses over roses, small, but rich in color and fragrance.

Red. White. Yellow. And Pink.

These somehow make it through to her dormant emotional core, and she has to cover her mouth with her hands for a second.

"Shitennou roses."

Kunzite grins.

"I would have planted Sailor Senshi colored roses too, but I was advised against it. Apparently it opens a whole field of innuendo that some people could find offensive."

For a moment, Makoto remembers how she once followed the wake of black rose petals that came with Kunzite's magic, how her heart had been clenched in fear, and for a moment she could smell them and the doom they announced.

But the roses in this garden smell nothing like that.

"Mars would probably set fire to any smell-a-senshi plant," says Jadeite, and his mischievious smile chases the old memories away. "But we Shitennou aren't so touchy. You can sniff at our..."

Obviously Jadeite isn't too old yet for a slap behind his head by Kunzite.

"On second thought," says Kunzite, "I concurr with the Senshi of Fire about the bad influence an innocent flower can have on the unguarded mind."

Makoto thinks that Jadeite is the most guarded mind she's ever seen, but seeing him turn back into a bickering, snickering boy at his home makes her glad for his sake. She's aware that he uses coming to her as a kind of escape, and she can't really explain it.

But when Kunzite invites her to come back, she knows this will be a kind of escape for her, too.

* * *

Jadeite looks through her mail, too.

"You can't afford this place from one salary alone."

"I know, but... I really don't want to leave here. I'll manage. I don't mind not going out or buying new stuff."

"You could rent out a room."

That surprises her. She isn't very keen on the idea. She doesn't want a stranger in here with her, but Jadeite looks like he has a plan already.

She raises an eyebrow.

"To whom?"

"To me. I need storage."

This is ridiculous. She can't take money from him.

"What do you need storage for?" she asks jokingly. "A pet youma?"

The guilty look on his face and the absurdity of the situation makes her laugh out loud.

"No, seriously? A youma?" she says, and he even blushes.

"Just one," he murmurs.

"Ah, you think I need combat practise," she jokes, and he protests and tells her to leave his poor little thing alone, and that's when she has a giggling fit like she hasn't even had in years.

"You must be out of your mind," she says.

But then she sees the silent plea in his eyes, and comes painfully aware that in all that time he has been there for her, he has never asked for anything in return.

"But I won't take money for that."

He smirks. "Then I can't take it. You want me to offer the room to Kunzite? Then we can all tell him to take his pots of seedlings out of our rooms. I'll tell him not to be so terribly nosy when he comes here and to keep his voice down when he tells you that your plants need fertilizer or something."

Makoto can't believe it.

"A-ha!" she says. "One little argument and you already threaten to release Kunzite on me?"

"Sorry about that. Can't threaten you myself, or Venus will terminate me."

"Threaten me, and Minako will be the least of your worries."

* * *

The poor little youma lives in a fridge in her former sewing room from then on. A little transparent blob of jelly it is, not bigger than a tennis ball at first, whiny and needy. A hatchling, Jadeite calls it. Ew.

Jadeite teaches it tricks, too, and Makoto rolls her eyes a lot.

Jadeite tells her about the natural habitat of this youma - glaciers - and how it's an endangered species.

It dawns on her.

"It'll need a bigger place to stay one day. You'll build it an ice-arium."

"M-hm."

"In my sewing room."

"In _my_ sewing-room you mean."

Makoto is speechless.

* * *

The ice-arium is really pretty.

Makoto makes hot chocolate for them out of protest.

* * *

One day, Jadeite brings a puppy with him.

"Nephrite's," he says. "I'm just the dogsitter today. SIT!"

The puppy is adorable beyond words. Brown and fluffy, and he's grinning at her and wagging his little tail, and then he's kidnapping anything that looks like fun to chew on. She chases after him all day.

She's secretly glad when Jadeite takes him home again. She isn't ready for so much life and fun and happily yapping muzzles in her face. But when they're gone, the house feels so silent and empty that she wishes turtles could bark.

Maybe Jadeite could teach them.

She'll ask him.


End file.
